Expectations spoil the joy. I vividly remember the first time I heard this at a workshop in 2001. These four words were life changing for me.
When we have expectations of people and situations, we are ultimately setting ourselves up to be disappointed.
When was the last time someone in your life read your mind and said and acted exactly as you had hoped? When was the last time you had an experience that went exactly as you wanted it to go in your head? My guess is, not often, if ever.
Life is unpredictable, so when you have specific ideas of how you want things to be, there’s a very good chance you will often be left feeling dissatisfied. When you feel dissatisfied, you can’t enjoy all the good stuff that comes along.
Having expectations is like silently saying to the world, “You better live up to my standards, and if you don’t do exactly what I want when I want it, it will be all your fault that I’m unhappy.” It’s basically giving all of your power away. It’s as if you walk around with a rule book that no one else knows about, but you expect the world to follow these rules. Sounds pretty ridiculous, doesn’t it?!
How would you feel if you let go of your expectations? If you weren’t allowed to think your husband should’ve just known what to get you for your birthday, how would you feel? What would it be like if you didn’t think your friend should just know you want her to call you? What would your mood be if you didn’t think you should be further along in your career, or that your mother should help you more with your kids? What would life be like if you didn’t think your kids should make their beds, or you should be making more money?
My hunch is you would feel a lot better than you typically do. You would be less inclined to get angry and snap, less inclined to feel sad and disappointed, and more likely to accept life as it comes. Having expectations just creates resistance to what is. Expectations give you reason to argue with reality, and that never ever feels good.
When you allow yourself to let go of expectations, you can become much more open to feeling more joy in your life, and more loving towards others. You gain the ability to communicate more freely and be less combative. You can become more open to having positive experiences, and not feel so depleted when things don’t seem to go your way.
Letting go of expectations does not mean you cannot have hopes and dreams and goals. It simply means that you can roll with the punches and feel better more often. You can still have fun when you’re hosting a party that isn’t going the way you had planned. You can still work hard at your job even when you don’t agree with your boss. You can still love your partner, even when he or she didn’t plan the “perfect” anniversary night out. You can still snuggle with your kids even when they put up a fight at bedtime.
As usual, it’s up to you to decide how you want to feel. Letting go of expectations is just one more way for you to choose happiness over frustration, resentment, and disappointment. If those negative feelings come up for you, just notice and remind yourself you can think about things differently. When you think about things differently, good feelings will follow.
Happy day!!
