It’s all your fault!
Now that I’ve gotten your attention, let me elaborate.
So many people walk through life placing blame on external situations and other people for the way they feel. You say you’re miserable because you hate your job. You think you’re unhappy because your husband doesn’t help with the kids enough. You’re cranky because you believe your mother-in-law is driving you crazy. You are bitter because you cannot find love. You feel awful because you want to lose ten pounds. Sound familiar?
People think if the circumstances and people in their lives would just change, they would be happy. The truth is though, these are all just stories we tell ourselves so we don’t have to take accountability. Placing blame is like giving yourself permission to stay stagnant in life. Blaming is just an excuse that gets you out of having to be responsible and make changes.
“I’m just too busy,” is one of my favorite blame games, and a go-to story for so many people. You say you are too busy to exercise, too busy to pursue a hobby, too busy to read, too busy to date, too busy to take care of yourself. Too busy ultimately means you are just not prioritizing the things you say you want to do. YOU are choosing not to find time to exercise, read, have quality time with your spouse, etc.
“I’m just too tired,” is a popular one too. While there may be truth to the fact that you are tired, if you want to get something done (and I mean TRULY want to, not just say you want to), then you will find the energy, just like you can always find the time.
As a coach, I’ve heard it all…”The lights were too bright for me to pay attention in class,” “My day was ruined because my daughter was so cranky,” “My husband eats junk, so I can’t eat healthy,” “This isn’t my dream apartment, so I don’t see the point of unpacking all of my boxes.” Guess what? It’s never the lights, your kid, your husband, the food in your home, or your apartment that are keeping you from doing anything. It’s you. Yes, that’s right; it’s you and your way of thinking. As soon as you stop using other people and things as excuses, you can decide to show up differently in life.
Placing blame on anything or anyone is just one result of never maturing emotionally. Picture a child in your head saying, “He did it.” That’s what you are doing every time you choose to believe anyone or anything other than you are to blame for the way you feel.
This doesn’t mean you cannot have preferences in life, and that you condone all behaviors of other people. It simply means you have the power to decide how you want to react in every situation in life. If you completely lose it because someone didn’t live up to your standards, that’s actually your fault. If you are miserable at work every day, that’s your fault. If you are not eating healthy or exercising, that’s your fault.
If it seems I’m coming down harder on you this week than usual, it’s because I am. It’s because this one lesson can be so unbelievably powerful. It allows us to take complete ownership of how we feel and act in life.
For many, this is a lesson they just don’t want to learn because then they may actually have to take a look at themselves honestly. For me, and I hope for you, this is the best news ever. It means if you want to, you get to change the way you feel, once again by changing the way you think about things. Your kids aren’t driving you nuts; your thoughts about your kids are. Your boss isn’t making you miserable; your thoughts about him are. Your weight isn’t making you sad; it’s your thoughts about it.
Understanding you are accountable for the way you feel does not mean you should be hard on yourself when you aren’t feeling great. Don’t use it as another reason to feel crappy about yourself. It’s just a signal that you need to wake up and take notice. Awareness is the first step towards a happier and more fulfilling life. Then we can start making changes for the better.
It’s all your fault, yay! This means you have the ability to feel however you want, and no one and no circumstance can take that away from you!
Happy day!!
P.S.-I’d like to specify that I don’t think every circumstance in our lives is our fault, but the way we feel about them and handle them is up to us. I by no means think it is your fault every time a challenging event occurs in your life. Your reaction is where I believe we should take accountability. You have the opportunity to see life through a glass half full or half empty point of view. When we see the negative in everything, we don’t feel good, and when we focus on the positives, we feel better. This doesn’t mean every day will be full of sunshine and rainbows, but it can help make the rainy days a little brighter. I by no means think you should dismiss your feelings, but after giving yourself a little time to feel your feelings, you can work on thinking thoughts that might make the situation a bit more tolerable. Since you may not be able to change things, or at least not right in this moment, you can choose to think about your current circumstances differently, and in turn feel differently.
I hope that clarifies any confusion 🙂
