What if I told you, your “bad” habits are actually good? No, I haven’t lost my mind. This is just something that has recently become more and more clear to me.
Stop for a moment and think of a habit you may not feel so great about-something you’d like to change, but fear you can’t because it’s just so ingrained in you. Is there something you do mindlessly, which feels completely out of your control? Do you see yourself do it, yet think you can’t stop, and then feel like crap about it after?
Some people overeat. Some restrict their eating. Some people snap and yell at others. Some people have anxiety. Some people avoid social situations. Some drink excessively. Some shop. Some obsess about running out of money. Some don’t do much of anything. They aren’t proactive when it comes to work, or exercise, or nurturing their relationships. Some overwork, over exercise, and obsess about their relationships.
Maybe you can relate to one or more of these habits? I know I have at times, and just about all of my clients, as well as the other people I know, have dealt with something similar at some point. If you can’t seem to relate, I invite you to take a deeper look at yourself, and really get honest. Is there any area of your life you could do without?
So getting back to my point about your “bad” habits being good…I know it sounds cuckoo, I do. My guess is most of you just want to rid yourself of these habits, but the key to letting them go for real (not just temporarily willing yourself to “be good”), is finding the good in these go to behaviors.
A perfect example would be people who turn to food for comfort. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding! COMFORT. Sure, there may be other more productive ways to comfort yourself, but those of you who turn to food (or any other vice) for comfort, are simply trying to nurture yourself. It’s actually very sweet when you look at it that way.
I used to suffer from anxiety while driving on expressways. It wasn’t until I stopped fighting it (hating it and trying to overcome it with breathing exercises, listening to relaxing music, etc.), that it seemed to disappear into thin air. One day I realized I developed this anxiety because I was afraid of being hurt by other dangerous drivers, and the possibility of hurting others as well. I was just trying to protect myself and others…how nice is that?! Once I realized this, I was able to accept it, and even like it a little. Then poof, I was ready to let it go with complete ease.
Maybe your fear of social situations is just you trying to avoid feeling uncomfortable. Your lack of drive to look for a new job could possibly be you trying to protect yourself from potential rejection. Maybe you don’t date for that same reason too, and your resistance to exercise is your way of avoiding thinking you aren’t as strong as the other people working out. Your habit of snapping at those you love, could be your way of keeping people at a distance so they can’t hurt you. And, maybe shopping allows you to numb out so you can avoid thinking about the things in your life you find unsettling.
Try having some compassion for yourself. You’re doing the best you know how to avoid discomfort, and for that reason alone, those habits hopefully don’t look so “bad” anymore. Remind yourself of this the next time you notice a pattern of behavior you’re not so fond of, instead of trying to hate it away. Hating any part of yourself never helps, and I promise, acceptance does not equal complacence. It gives you the wiggle room for change.
These habits, may not be your ideal way of coping, but try and find the good, rather than always beating yourself up. Telling yourself you’re a disappointment, a failure, or that there’s something wrong with you, will never help long term. It will only make you feel worse during times where what you really need is love and acceptance.
That’s it. That’s all I got for ya!
Happy Day!
